Waiting

I am somewhat disappointed.  I went to see the plastic surgeon for what was supposed to be an expansion.  But Dr. Puckett came in, poked around on my skin and pronounced that he feared that my skin and muscle were too tight now.  He decided to not do the expansion.  I am bummed.

I have already waited a year since the end of my radiation.  It was exciting to begin the process of wholeness, to put this behind me.  But the good doctor is trustworthy and he told me to wait a month.  Four more weeks, and if the muscle is still this tight, then it’s time to talk surgery.  He can release the tight muscles surgically, but there only so much we can do with the actual expanding.  But if that month causes the muscle to relax a tad more, he will do another expansion.  He assures me that going slowly will produce a better outcome.

So I left the clinic without the expansion, vaguely feeling like my copay should have been refunded.  As I sat in the lobby waiting for the ride I had arranged, I decided this is not all bad.  I have been too sore to get much done around the house.  Although we prayed for me to gain strength I had not exactly meant to halt the process.  But the prayer is being answered because I am being forced to take the time.  So I devised a plan...if I'm having surgery at the end of the summer, then there are some things I want to get done.  Steam Clean carpets, move furniture around, get rid of some excess furniture, chores of that nature.  I can give my home a late spring cleaning.

But I have to be honest about it.  I'm not good with waiting.  Nothing bugs me more than want to "get on with the program" and have to wait.  I don't like being late for appointments whether they are medical or divine.  If I'm not 10 minutes early, then I am late.  Even when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, once I accepted that this was going to be my life for a season....I was ready.  Let's get on it with it.  Let’s start the chemo.  Make the hair come out...I don't care let's just keep moving.

 

This is actually ironic as I sit here NOT moving.  I suppose I want to keep moving as long as it doesn't require waiting.

About 3 am today, I awoke with a spasm of pain radiating from this "radiated" tissue expander or "puckett" as I call it.  Even in the drowsy state of mind, the thought pierced my mind,  “This hurts.”  It would have hurt a whole lot more if the Dr. had done the expansion.  I started drifting back to sleep, having found a more comfortable position.  But as I sunk into that soft sleepy cloud, I sternly told myself, Tina!  You have a problem with waiting.  Be patient!  Do what you can now to prepare for the time where you cannot.  When you get up, look for scripture that will encourage you to wait in patience, not impatient.

I suppose it could have been a word from the Lord, but it could also have been my own common sense as well.  So that's what I did when I got up this morning.  I looked for Scriptures about waiting, about time.

Psalm 5:3
In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

Psalm 38:15
LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God. 

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. 

Acts 1:4
On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about.

Acts 17:16 While Paul was waiting for them in Athens, he was greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols.

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

1 Corinthians 1:7
Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed.

1 Corinthians 4:5
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.

1 Corinthians 4:4-6 

and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead—Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath.

1 Thessalonians 1:9-10   while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 

James 5:7
[ Patience in Suffering ] Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. 

Psalm 37:39
The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. 

Psalm 59:16
But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. 

Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

So come to this conclusion.  I am to wait.  I am to wait patiently and be productive in the time.  As I know this is a weakness of mine, I will work to build my patience for this.  

You may have to help me.

Do YOU have trouble waiting for something to happen?  Do you struggle for patience in the face of frustration?  Let's join together to triumphantly WAIT for God's timing!

Perspective

Last week, I posted a story about meeting a sweet elderly lady in the restroom of a Walmart store.  We shared a moment that I put on this blog.  Recently, a dear lady friend stopped me to say..."You have such amazing things happen to you.  This kind of thing never happens to me."  I smiled and told her I thought it probably happened to everybody.  When I look at a given situation, the way I have chosen to see the world around me is what changed it from an ordinary event to a "slap yer knee, that's funny" moment.

If I was meeting you for dinner that day I could have shared the story of the courtesy flush like this.

"I had to go to the bathroom at Walmart.  There was a woman in there really embarrassed by the sound and smell she was making.  I told her about the courtesy flush."

Then you would have ran right past that description never fully grasping the hilarity of the situation, how distressed she really was, or understanding the moment that two women shared in a public restroom.

But because I shared the story like I did...The Courtesy Flush it became the "amazing adventure" that my lady friend referred to.  It happened as I told it, but the WAY I shared it changed how my friends viewed it.  It went from being an ordinary trip to Walmart to a story that has given it's share of giggles.

During the active treatments of my cancer, I relied on my Rosey perspective to help me get through some horrid days.  Daddy used to tell me it was a gift to tell a good story.  It certainly became one for me when I had to deal with things that were too scary and too painful to deal with.  I just switched "my glasses" to a rosey hue and took another look.  It allowed me to see periods of humor and falling down laughter, to the sweet touching moments I would have never shared with strangers without these rosey glasses.

I have been in the process of transcribing my cancer day notes into their own blog and reliving those kinds of moments.  This story The Butt Cheek Boogie tells of an experience that had us laughing for days and even now I recall it with big self conscious grins.  However this Tests, Tests and more Tests tells of sweet, touching events and people who touched my life in profound ways on what was one of my scariest days at the beginning.  Sharing the events of your life allows you to give honor to all the Pipers, Kathleens, Chaplain Chucks, TJs and yes even rugged handsome Steve .

The next time you are faced with daunting task or a downright nasty one, step back and view it from a different perspective.  Is there a different way to see this, making it less scary?  Can you retell this story in a way that reflects who you are and who God thinks you are?  Can you share this event in a manner that will educate, edify and encourage?  Personally I love seeing the world through "Rosey"  glasses and fully embracing the Rosey within.

God and the Queen Bee

A little tomfoolery...

http://www.sacbee.com/2012/06/13/4559875/uc-davis-officials-rare-photo.html#storylink=cpy

God and the Queen Bee

"Daddy why do bees have to sting?" cried the little blondie who had flung herself at her father's legs.

He picked her up, sat in the big chair, cradling her in his lap.

"Well baby girl, it's like this," he started.  "You know how God created the earth and every living thing.   There in the garden, the bees and insects, they didn't bite..."  "Did the spiders bite?" she interrupted him.

Frowning, daddy shook his head no, raising his eyebrows and asked "Do you want to hear the story?"  She nodded her head and settled back against his shoulder.  Daddy began again, "Everything changed when man disobeyed God and ate the fruit from a tree he said was a no no.  Do you remember what it means when you do something you have been told not to?"

The little blondie pulled her dollie away her face and nodded sadly.  "It means ya git a spankin'"  She answered him suspiciously.

The Father chuckled and explained, "Sometimes it does mean that you will be punished and sometimes that means you will be spanked.  This time, it meant that Adam and Eve had to leave the beautiful place in the garden they called home.  Then everything in the world changed.  Things that were once good, now became dangerous.  Flowers that were pretty became poisonous.  Animals that used to play started to attack.  The whole world changed when sin became the ruler of earth."

"And that's what made bees sting me? 'Cuz its a sinner?"  she questioned with tears still wetting her lashes.

"Well not exactly," he told her.  "See to begin with bees did not have a stinger.  But as humans started having more babies, there was more people than bees.  And sometimes naughty children ran around deliberately stomping on the helpless bees..."

"I bet it was the boys," she interrupted again, sitting up.  "Boys always do mean things"

Her father lowered his eyebrows once more into his predictable "hairy eye" glares.  Blondie settled back in his lap.  "Do you want me to finish the story or not?"  he asked her, then added "Sometimes girls do mean things too.  But back to the story, the families of the bees were very upset to see their family be stomped on by more and more bad boys AND girls.   So finally, they decided the Queen Bee would have to go speak to God the Creator.  She was so scared to be in the presence of the One who created them all...both human and Bees.  But she explained what was happening and asked that Father God intercede on behalf of all her honeybee family."

"What did God say?" as Blondie sat up straighter and wrapped her arms around daddy's neck.

I remember this day.  The sun was in my eyes.  And I LOVED
my "swirly" dress.

"Well God thought about it and then he told her, 'you are correct for bringing this to my attention.  It is a bad thing for my human children to be mean and stomping on your family.  From now on, I am granting you ONE weapon against the bad children.  You will grow a point at the end of your tail.  When you are in danger, you may use it to stab the person or thing that is frightening you."

"What?!"  Little blondie exclaimed.  "God told the bees to sting us?  That's not right!" she announced offended.  "I was just walking through the yard and it crawled up my leg and stung me!"  Her tears quivered at the surface.

"I know sweetheart, that is why God added one more thing.  He told the Queen Bee that he loved his children, and did not want to see the Bees take advantage of this new weapon against his people.  They were to use it only to protect themselves, and not to attack.  So he told the Queen, a bee may only use it's stinger once.  And then the bee must die.  Because man is created after HIS image and He could not allow bees to attack without punishment.  The Queen did not like this addition, but she understood he did not want bees attacking mankind.  They could only use their stinger in defense."

"But the Queen Bee raised an objection.  What about the bees that are being stomped on.  They are not attacking, they will be defending themselves.  Why must they die?"

"Father God nodded.  It's not fair is it?  One dies because he was a bad bee and the other dies as a good bee doing his job when some bratty kid ran by and stomps on him.  Everything is different now.  Sometimes what is good is also bad.  We must always remember to be careful in our choices."

"Father God was not finished.  He explained to the Queen that after a few different kids got stung really hard, the word would get out.  Don't stomp on a bee or you will get hurt.  Sometimes ONE must die so the others may live."  The father wiped the little blondie's eyes with his handkerchief.  "Does that make you feel better?"

This was the summer of my bee stings, and that is
my younger sister "the brat" in her diaper next to me.
She's just going to LOVE this photo.  lol

Blondie looked up at her daddy and told him, "It don't make my ankle feel no gooder at all.  But I think it's good that the Bee is going to DIEEEEE!"   Blondie growled her answer in true cartoon drama.

"Oh child, you are a little too happy about that, but I guess being stung 3 times in 3 weeks might make anyone happy about a dead bee.  Let's go soak your foot in Epsom salts.  That will make your ankle feel gooder."  Blondie wrapped her arms around her daddy's neck as he carried her to the kitchen, and started the process of making her ankle feel gooder.








This was the story my father told me during the summer before my 5th birthday.  Carefree children running bare foot through the grass and squealing with the delight of summer's joy did not watch for honeybees in the grass.  That summer I had the misfortune of being stung about 7 times over the summer months, and 3 times in 3 weeks.  I had a slight allergic reaction to the first which grew with each consequent sting.  The offended body part - usually a foot or ankle - would swell like a football.  Then I had to spend a number of days with it soaking in Epsom salts and having Daddy rub tobacco over the stinger wound.  (It was said to draw out the toxin)  By the end of that three week period, I would be sitting with both ankles in an Epsom salts bath.   And oh heavens, the swelling would itch until I was cranky and crying.  I know if there had been benadryl available in 1964 my mother would have gladly used it to put me out  uh ...stop my itchy misery.  Of course, that's what I meant.  lol


Daddy never meant for this story to be anything but entertaining and comforting when I was getting stung repeatedly over that summer.   Mom told me I must smell like a flower to the bees.  Never met a 4 and half year old that smelled like flowers while playing in the yard, but at the time I accepted that must be the reason they kept stinging me.

One more because I was darned cute.  lol
Oh I loved that dress!

I'm a Prayer Wimp

^{Matthew 28:18} Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Between Church and doctor visits both of which are at least 30 minutes away,  I have found driving is a space of quiet time for me.  Well not exactly quiet.  For I love to slide a Lincoln Brewster, Newsboys, Casting Crowns or various other worship leaders into the CD.  I crank it up and sing my heart out in worship.  Sometimes as I sing along, I can barely choke out the words because I have been  moved so thoroughly.   

I also take that time to pray. Of course because I'm driving, I keep my eyes open.  It usually goes something like...Father God, I praise your for your goodness.  I thank you for your salvation and for the grace and mercy you gave to me.  I praise you for who you are, I thank you for loving me.  Give me the strength and power to do your will.  I want to be your hands and feet Lord, give me wisdom on what that looks like.  then something about my husband  blah blah, bless him Lord....something about the kids...blah blah..protect and keep them Lord.  Then something about women in my Bible study group...any special requests. and then a good ole quiet Amen.  And I feel good about myself, because I just spent time with the Lord in prayer.  

I have prayed like that pretty much all my life.  I had a list written down and everything.  I was satisfied that God was listening. Perhaps I just need to crank up the volume in my prayer life so He could hear me better.  


I grew up in a legalistic church that had rules on how you prayed.  You could pray silently.  You could pray out loud.  But it should always be with eyes scrunched tightly, no one looking around and on your knees.  If you weren't on your knees, God wasn't listening.  Now I know God doesn't have rules on how you approach him, it was just that my church did.

Over the last several years I have made a concerted effort to incorporate prayer into my life.  I had been proud of myself for making the effort.  I have been praying that God would help me grow in the department of prayer. 

Within church circles, we have people we refer to as "prayer warriors."  They are people whom we know that has ability to go to God and faithfully pray.  And they will PRAY sisters!  If you have attended churches for very long, there is undoubtedly some saint  that you know without a doubt is a prayer warrior.  These are not people who pray "God bless sister Mary.  She has a cold.  God bless Pastor, Lord.  And while you're at it, go ahead and bless his wife Lord, cuz you know married to him, she needs another dose of grace (Sorry Jason, just had to add it.) 

I have heard the prayers of a warrior before and I have been astounded.  When these warriors pray, their prayers do not rise up to heaven.  No my friends, Heaven comes down to the Warrior.  I have heard prayers that gave me goosebumps and you KNEW you were in the presence of something real, and something powerful.  You are probably picturing someone right now. You know they are a warrior, even if you personally have never heard them pray out loud.  

There is a couple in our church, that I know they are both prayer warriors.  They do not shout their prayers.  They do not seem to be extraordinary at all.  But when they pray....things happen.  Relationships get mended, situations change and the church body grows.   

I also recall a prayer warrior from my childhood,  Mrs. Houston.  I have no clue what her first name was...she was Mrs. or Sister Houston.  She as old as dirt and on the chunky side.  She wore a hat to church even when most women had stopped the practice.  She always had a hankie.  And when the pastor called on Mrs. Houston to pray, my sisters and I would roll our eyes.  We might as well get comfortable down here on our knees, as we are going to be down here for a while.  I did not appreciate Mrs. Houston as a child.  

Mrs. Houston prayed loud.  And when she got really cranked up, she would begin to "whoop!"  She got to the point she could no longer actually pray.  But she would wave that hankie in the air, shouting "Glory!  Thank You Lord for your Faithfulness.  WHOOO!  Glory!  Whoo!  Glory be to God."  she went through all the praises and exultations. 

Mrs. Houston is gone now, a good many years.  I know she is waving her hankie, still shouting "Glory!" and whoopin' it up in heaven.  I did not realize what an honor it was to be there when Mrs. Houston prayed.  Heaven came down when she prayed.

Mrs. Houston and the other couple I mentioned are as different as night and day.  Nothing similar in the style, the voice, the volume or even the content.   Yet, I know without a doubt that they are prayer WARRIORS.  So I have been twisting around this question in my mind.  How do I become a prayer warrior?  Well...you have to start praying and that's where I started.  And I thought I was off to a good start.

Then I heard this little guy.  

He showed up on my facebook wall a couple months ago.  And whether you approve or don't approve....This young man flipped my apple cart.  After hearing him BESEECHING Heaven, with Decrees and Declarations...my jaw hit the floor.  (OK I did kind of giggle when he reached the part about Multi Million dollar strategies.  But I was impressed all the same.)  In fact I was humbled, totally wiped out at the knees by this little fellow's prayer.

By the time this five year old finished his prayers and led them in a moment of praise.  I was ashamed.  

I am such a prayer wimp 

I have NEVER approached the Throne of Grace with the boldness that this child displayed.  I don't care to discuss if you approve of his prayer or not, he had the faith and boldness to raise up his voice to the Heavens and he EXPECTED to hear some answers back.  He was CERTAIN that God was listening.  I'm sure the fact that this happens to be TD Jakes church has something to do with the child's ability to pray.  For the handful of years he has been alive, I'm sure he has heard some warriors pray.  He's had these messages lived out in front of him.

It rocked me on my heels honestly.  I have spent some time chewing on the concept that I couldn't pray like this 5 year old child!  That is incredibly humbling to admit to anyone.   I do not know how to pray like a warrior.  This child did a better job than I do.  Sometimes I play the clip again just to remind myself of how I want to pray.

What I do believe is that I don't have to be in any particular place to pray like a warrior.  I don't believe that I have to be in any certain posture.  I don't even believe that you have a squeeze your eyes tightly shut.  I know that I can meet with God at any place, any time and anywhere.  But I just don't feel the power in my prayer that I heard in this little guy's prayer.  I'm not giving any answers here, I'm confessing a weakness. 

I suspect that this might have something to do with this old problem that I have with God.  He's working on it with me, and if you have read some past posts, you will recognize my problem.  I struggle with several things concerning prayer.

There is a liar who tells me that God is not interested in my prayer.

The same liar tells me that God does not hear my prayer.

That irritating liar tells me that my prayer accomplish nothing.

It's the same liar that tells me that I'm not worthy to speak to God, that God doesn't like me very much. So the final lie...

Who do I think I am to think I could EVER be a prayer warrior.  

There is a LIAR who tells me that God is not interested in my prayer.

Philippians 4:5-7 ⁵ Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. ⁶ Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.   (HCSB)

The same LIAR tells me that God does not hear my prayer.

Psalm 66:18-20  18 If I had been aware of malice in my heart,the Lord would not have listened.19 However, God has listened;He has paid attention to the sound of my prayer.20 May God be praised!He has not turned away my prayer nor turned His faithful love from me. (HCSB)

That irritating LIAR tells me that my prayer accomplish nothing.

^{James 5:13} Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over him after anointing him with olive oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will restore him to health; if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. ¹⁶ Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.  (HCSB)

It's the same LIAR that tells me that I'm not worthy to speak to God, that God doesn't like me very much. 

1 John 4:9-10 ⁹ God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him. ¹⁰ Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  (HCSB)

Who do I think I am to think I could EVER be a prayer warrior. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  16 Rejoice always!  17 Pray constantly.  18 Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:26  ²⁶ In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings.  (HCSB)

Who am I to think God cares or wants my prayers?

1 John 3:1-2  ¹ Look at how great a love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children. And we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it didn't know Him. ² Dear friends, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him because we will see Him as He is. (HCSB)

Who am I?

^{Romans 8:14} All those led by God’s Spirit are God’s sons.¹⁵ For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father!” ¹⁶ The Spirit Himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God’s children, ¹⁷ and if children, also heirs —heirs of God and coheirs with Christ—seeing that we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.  (HCSB)

I am God's adopted kid!

Who is the LIAR?  

Ephesians 6:11-13  ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. ¹² For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. ¹³ This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand.  (HCSB)

How do I combat the LIAR?

2 Timothy 3:15-17 15 and you know that from childhood you have known the sacred Scriptures, which are able to give you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, 17 so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. (HCSB)

Hit 'em with your best weapon!

^{Hebrews 4:14} Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. ¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I have decided the first thing I have to do is pray more often.

I'm going through rehab right now for a big surgery I will have next fall.  Over and over, the PT tell me that in order for a weak muscle to become strong, it has to be exercised.  Regular exercise builds strength.  "The secret to a good reconstruction is good rehabilitation."  I need to rehabilitate my prayer life.

I have to pray with the confidence, I am God's child and He's anxious to hear what I have to say.   I can learn to access the authority given to me BY Christ that I can come with Confidence before Him in prayer.  Boldly without hesitation or shame, I have the same right to be there as Christ because He shared His inheritance with me  

In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

^{Eph 3:12} 

So I'm on a journey learning to be a prayer warrior instead of a prayer wimp. I do not know if I will ever "decree and declare".  But I want to pray prayers that changes lives and the world around me.  I want to pray Heaven down upon this wannabe warrior.  I trust He will grow me into the kind of warrior HE wants me to be.   

In the meantime I leave you with Michael Jr.  He has prayer issues as well.  I can relate.

The "Courtesy Flush"

Ok. Ladies today I broach a topic that is sensitive in nature. In fact if you are of a delicate constitution, it would be best if you just skip this and move on down and read another topic that has absolutely nothing offensive in it.

 Today while shopping in Columbia, I had a abso-freakin-lutely funny moment...in the ladies room (again) of all places.

I shall speak to you on the topic of "the courtesy flush". I had headed to the Ladies room at the Wal-Mart. Right in front of me was an elderly lady in just as big a hurry. She was dressed, I mean dressed!  She was wearing a skirt and blouse set, nylons and short heels. Makeup and hair was not out of place. She was a PROPER lady! This woman was tiny. 5 feet and maybe 100 lbs.

We made our way to our "stations" and I guess you could say I was in the process of "relieving" myself when from the stall next to me came this EXPLOSION of sound. It wouldn't have been so bad but those bathroom walls - sound just bounces around.  
I raised my eyebrows but who's kidding who...we all know what we use bathrooms for. But what got me giggling was this prim and proper elderly voice that said, "Oh gracious me....pardon me please." I'm trying not to laugh as I answered, "No problem."

Just seconds later, there was another explosion, this sounded a little more solid and she was beside herself. "Oh excuse me! I'm so sorry." I answered again, "it's ok, Ma'am. This is what bathrooms are for."

And you know there was yet another eruption of noise from the next stall and I think she was near tears when she told me, "I do so apologize. If I had known I would do this, I would have insisted that my husband take me home! I am so embarrassed. But you see I have been so…ummm bound up, that it never occurred to me that I would have a MOVEMENT."

I'm thinking yep, ma'am that sounded like you moved the whole stall over 10 inches. Since I'm having this very intimate conversation with this elderly lady between the stalls, I offered her this advice.

"Ma'am, excuse me if I am out of place for suggesting this. Are you familiar with the "courtesy flush?"

She said "No, I'm not." (Maybe you have to be prior military to know about it.) So I explained...well when you go into a public restroom and you are not alone, the idea is that you flush immediately so your neighbors aren't offended. When I know that I need to have a 'movement' as you said, (or should one sneak up on me like hers did), I start flushing immediately and keep flushing so I can make as much noise as I need to, in order to finish the job."

There was a moment of silence and then she cackled. "Child (she called me child lol) I have lived 88 years and no one on the face of the earth as ever explained such a thing to me." So she flushed...three times in a row.

My business was done so I went to the sink to wash my hands, when this little white haired lady came...slinking out. Her cheeks were bright red and she kind of sheepishly glanced at me. "Thank you for that tidbit of information Miss." she said after she cleared her throat a couple times. 

So, you HAVE to know that my Rosey wanted to drop down on the floor and roll, holding my gut laughing not only at the situation, but the conversation as well. I mean seriously, I could not get the image of the English Queen Mother out of my mind, and having THIS conversation!?! But it WAS a bathroom floor after all. 

So I smiled at her and told her, "Not a problem, I imagine you will be much more comfortable doing the rest of your shopping." 

She smiled at me and said "I should HOPE so." And we walked out, I climbed aboard my motor cart. She walked over to an elderly man sitting on the bench. He stood as she came and took the cart. I heard her asking him, "Arnie? Do you know what a courtesy flush is?"

Bwa ha ha ha ha.......

Yes, it is I, the Queen of the Feet

I confess to having a thing for feet.  I do although I am quick to admit that I find nothing erotic about feet. When people have their feet uncovered it's the first thing I note about someone.  If it's winter, it's their hands.  Some people notice the eyes or a smile.  I'm looking for well-manicured hands, and well cared for feet.

I am the self-appointed judge of the feet....both fair and foul.

Feet were all created perfectly.  I have proof.

Admit it.  You want to kiss these little toes.   No one is immune to the adorable nature of baby feet.  No one will hesitate to scoop up the little piggys to admire their cuteness, nor do we give second thought to bring those toes to our lips to kiss or to blow raspberries against the soles of giggly digits.

These 4 year old toes are adorable.

These little 5 year old toes are just too cute

Little girls after my own heart.  Loving the polish Miss Rachel and Miss Becca.

Some things about our feet are simply up to our DNA. I do not hold against you those things that you inherit.  Whether you have a super long big toe, or itsy bitsy toes, I chalk it up to your family genetics.  I do not care if you have a weird third toe, short toes or a wide foot.   I have a dear friend with the cutest stubby little toes.  But when her polish chips, Rosey no longer holds her friend's toes in high esteem.  People tell me all the time to not look at their feet, because they have ugly feet. If you have a weird long toe or one that is different, that's just genetics.  My beef is with the people who don't take CARE of their feet.  When I have friends and family who do not take care of their feet and I call them on it.  My closest friends and I laugh over my thing about feet.  And they don't think I notice when they promptly slide their feet under their chairs.  :)  Makes me wonder what's going on under those socks and shoes.

Not even cute bluebird tats can disguise the nasty toes here.
Fix the polish sweetie.  This is "white trash" polish.
You can do better than this.  I detest this on fingernails as well.
It's either polish or no polish.  Chipped, chewed or worn
off polish is NEVER the correct answer.

Seriously?  Trim those nails.

There's so much wrong with this photo, ewwww
those heels need to be scrubbed... for a year! and
I'm not talking about the shoes.

When the feet go for an undetermined time without proper care, you develop what I refer to as "Hobbit foot".  Rosey had a major and devastating fall back in 2002.  She herniated a disc in her back that grabbed and tore a nerve.  It paralyzed her foot so she was unable to move her toes or lift her foot.  In addition she tore the ACL and LCL ligaments in her knee.  The Physical therapist was impressed with how quickly Rosey rehabbed the knee so it would fully bend.  

The secret was "Hobbit Feet.  Yes...in those 3 months it took me to be able to reach the feet, I had built up so many layers of dead skin that I had Hobbit foot.  I could not rest in my efforts to bend my knee and bring the feet up so I could rid myself of the dreaded ugly hobbit feet.  Seriously did you not notice the feet on the hobbit people in the Lord of the Rings Triology?  Mine were not that hairy. But they were that crusty. ewwwww

I really don't have anything specific about these feet to share.  I was just dazzled by these shoes.  Wouldn't catch me wearing them, but I think they are stunning.

  I think feet are amazing.  And everyone knows when your feet hurt, you hurt all over.  Feet are important!  Take care of them.  These feet are of different sizes and shapes.  They are here as examples of perfectly fine and fair tootsies despite the shapes of the foot.

Toes do not have to be polished for feet to be judged "nice".
 They must have trimmed toenails and smooth heels,
and all around smooth skin.

Cute

Absolutely adorable and I would stop her to tell her so.

These toes are near and dear to me...I'm quite
attached to them you might say.  You will note that
there is plenty of sole left between the end of the toes.
  They were polished with a purple polish with
purple sparkles that as it turned out, required
 a chisel and a dremel tool to remove.

I have been known to stop complete strangers in the mall or in the checkout line to tell them they have beautiful feet, an amazing pedicure or the smoothest heels I have seen in such a long time.  Poor Mr. Rosey just about has a stroke when I do such a thing.  "What is wrong with you?  Why do you have to comment on a stranger's feet?"  He will hiss at me.  

I'm totally innocent here.  I comment because obviously someone took time to purposely make their feet look nice.  I would complement you on your earrings or your hair if those were the things that garnered my notice.  If you put your feet out there uncovered, Rosey will notice them.  And if you have done a good job, she needs to let you know your effort was noted thus your time was worth it.  Granted most of them laugh and look at me as if I've lost my mind, but I am confident that I have made society a better place for feet.

DNA has a lot to do with the appearance of our feet.  It determines the size, the shape, the length of our toes, even the shape of our toenails.  Unfortunately my DNA put hair on my toes and they are somewhat on the long side.  I started trimming toe hair about the same time I started shaving my legs.  I inherited my toes from my dad.  I can move my toes around, and pinch someone.  In our family we have call them "monkey toes".  My husband calls them weird and creepy.  He thinks that toes are not supposed to move like mine.  But having monkey toes is a useful trait.  

It was exceptional good fortune to have monkey toes when my son was in his "Lego" years.  I rescued many a cube from the vacuum with them.

I do restrain myself from approaching THOSE people, in public.  I have not walked up to a stranger *yet anyway* to announce...they have been awarded a spot on Rosey's Grody Foot Alert.  But I don't share that info with them.  No need to embarrass a stranger or put Mr. Rosey in a position of having to defend me should someone take SERIOUS offense to my award. I do not judge feet on their shape, or oddities.  But on the grooming and condition of the skin.

Heels so dry and cracked they are starting to fissure.

I have also not walked up to anyone asking them to take off their shoes so I might inspect their feet.  But if you put the feet out there...you are putting them out there for comment.  If I know you well, I may scold you for letting them fall into such a disreputable condition.  :)

 You may recall the Summer Grooming Pledge....

• I promise to always wear sandals that fit.
• My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
• I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
• I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
• I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
• I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it the real good. (NOTE: Sandalfoot pantyhose are acceptable :-))
• If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
• I will not live in corn denial, rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholls if my feet need him.
• I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.  
• Should I fail in the immediate preceding pledge and purchase jelly shoes, I resolve to ever remove my shoes with other's in the immediate area. When people comment about a smell of sweaty feet I resolve to throw my jellies away regardless of what cute color they may be.
• I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

So assemble your implements.  Remember to grab a couple hand size towels.  If you have polish on the toes remove it with cotton swaps and polish remover.  If you use a polish with glitter in them it's going to take a little while to remove all the old polish.  You might want to borrow someones sander.


I start out filling this huge white plastic bowl with warm/hot water.  It's probably 2 ft across.  I pop in couple of those pink fizzle tablets.  These came from Mary Kay and they make your skin soft.  But similar fizzles can be purchased at Sally's Beauty Supply.  Both feet go in and it's time to surf the web.  After 20 minutes or so, I lift out one foot, dry it and then trim down the toenails. *Diabetics can have their toenails cut by the doctor, otherwise use extreme caution clipping your own* Back into the bath and repeat with the other foot.

Add to the water to soften feet

Couldn't find my orange stick to photograph so I grabbed
the plastic one.  Same use, push back the cuticles and scrub any
grime out from around and under the nails.

The white paddle was purchased from Sally's and is a better "exfoliator" than Dr. Scholl's.  I use this to scrub dead skin off the heel, sides and bottom of the foot.  Flip it over to use the smoothing side on the stop of the foot.  Or briskly rub the top with a dry towel.  Often that is enough to remove the buildup of dead skin on the top of the foot.
Don't forget the toes...rub the towel briskly over and between them.  Don't gag when you look at the towel again.  Though it shouldn't have to be said, it does.  If your feet sting or hurt when you file at them, STOP filing.  You can file the skin raw if you don't pay attention.

The metal file is used only on the heel area when I need to file down stubborn callous' or if it's been awhile.  NEVER use the metal files on the top of the foot.  I pay WAY more attention to this step than any salon I've ever been in.  I use on average about 3 different foot files to keep my feet pampered...including the use of a ped egg and never use any form of razor on the feet.                                                            

I use that worn pink file to buff the tops of the nail.  I have weird bumps and ridges that this smooths away.  It gives a uniform surface for the polish.

Now to polish.  Some people will use a q-tip to put Vaseline on the skin around the toenail  It helps keep polish off the skin.  I use the base coat on the nail...this one is called "Nail Gripper"  I put 2 layers of color, and top with 2 layers of the pink sparkle.  
Finish with a topping of Oh So Wet.  It's a super shiny top coat.  Yes.  It IS 5 layers of polish.  My pedicures do not rub away.

This is a portion of my "tool kit".  Truth is I also have a whole other
bin of polishes and nail stuff. *embarrassed*

It's not a quick job.  If I need it done quickly I go to a salon.  I find a chick flick is a great time to work on my feet.  When the polishes are dry, remove the vaseline or rub it in.  Then smooth a good body cream into the foot and pull on thick socks.  If you REALLY want to give your feet the salon treatment...pull bread sacks over your feet and let them marinate in the cream for a while.  But it's nearly impossible to walk with the plastic on the feet.  If you are like me and very likely have been swigging sweet tea while doing all this, you need to be prepared to run to the bathroom....to lose the tea so to speak.  ;)

Finally to quote Jeff Foxworthy

If your toenails are 4 different colors and you NOT wearing polishes?  Just say NO to sandals!