Friday, June 8, 2012

The "Courtesy Flush"

Ok. Ladies today I broach a topic that is sensitive in nature. In fact if you are of a delicate constitution, it would be best if you just skip this and move on down and read another topic that has absolutely nothing offensive in it.

 Today while shopping in Columbia, I had a abso-freakin-lutely funny the ladies room (again) of all places.

I shall speak to you on the topic of "the courtesy flush". I had headed to the Ladies room at the Wal-Mart. Right in front of me was an elderly lady in just as big a hurry. She was dressed, I mean dressed!  She was wearing a skirt and blouse set, nylons and short heels. Makeup and hair was not out of place. She was a PROPER lady! This woman was tiny. 5 feet and maybe 100 lbs.

We made our way to our "stations" and I guess you could say I was in the process of "relieving" myself when from the stall next to me came this EXPLOSION of sound. It wouldn't have been so bad but those bathroom walls - sound just bounces around.
I raised my eyebrows but who's kidding who...we all know what we use bathrooms for. But what got me giggling was this prim and proper elderly voice that said, "Oh gracious me....pardon me please." I'm trying not to laugh as I answered, "No problem."

Just seconds later, there was another explosion, this sounded a little more solid and she was beside herself. "Oh excuse me! I'm so sorry." I answered again, "it's ok, Ma'am. This is what bathrooms are for."

And you know there was yet another eruption of noise from the next stall and I think she was near tears when she told me, "I do so apologize. If I had known I would do this, I would have insisted that my husband take me home! I am so embarrassed. But you see I have been so…ummm bound up, that it never occurred to me that I would have a MOVEMENT."

I'm thinking yep, ma'am that sounded like you moved the whole stall over 10 inches. Since I'm having this very intimate conversation with this elderly lady between the stalls, I offered her this advice.

"Ma'am, excuse me if I am out of place for suggesting this. Are you familiar with the "courtesy flush?"

She said "No, I'm not." (Maybe you have to be prior military to know about it.) So I explained...well when you go into a public restroom and you are not alone, the idea is that you flush immediately so your neighbors aren't offended. When I know that I need to have a 'movement' as you said, (or should one sneak up on me like hers did), I start flushing immediately and keep flushing so I can make as much noise as I need to, in order to finish the job."

There was a moment of silence and then she cackled. "Child (she called me child lol) I have lived 88 years and no one on the face of the earth as ever explained such a thing to me." So she flushed...three times in a row.

My business was done so I went to the sink to wash my hands, when this little white haired lady came...slinking out. Her cheeks were bright red and she kind of sheepishly glanced at me. "Thank you for that tidbit of information Miss." she said after she cleared her throat a couple times. 

So, you HAVE to know that my Rosey wanted to drop down on the floor and roll, holding my gut laughing not only at the situation, but the conversation as well. I mean seriously, I could not get the image of the English Queen Mother out of my mind, and having THIS conversation!?! But it WAS a bathroom floor after all. 

So I smiled at her and told her, "Not a problem, I imagine you will be much more comfortable doing the rest of your shopping." 

She smiled at me and said "I should HOPE so." And we walked out, I climbed aboard my motor cart. She walked over to an elderly man sitting on the bench. He stood as she came and took the cart. I heard her asking him, "Arnie? Do you know what a courtesy flush is?"

Bwa ha ha ha ha.......


  1. Oh my! I am in tears of laughter!! I think you described my Grandmother-in-law. Thank you for sharing!!

  2. I really REALLY needed a laugh tonight! Thank you!

  3. Ha ha! Love it. :)

  4. OH my word, that is sooooo funny!

  5. GOL (which stands for Guffawing Out Loud)
    Well written and just adorable. I'm glad you didn't let your inhibitions keep you from sharing that handy tip with the dear old lady or with us. :)

  6. THAT was so worth sharing...and reading this morning! Thanks...

  7. You just kill me everytime!! That was so funny. You've gotta know I'm going to think of you everytime I take my little guy for a potty stop at Wal-Mart now. That's a good thing!

  8. If laughter is good medicine (and it is!) then I believe I must have healed something just reading this ;oP