Pink Ribbons ~ Three’s a Charm

Pink Ribbons is a feature series I have started that is posted every Thursday.  I am a Pink Ribbon Warrior, having gone through the chemo, surgery, radiation, the year of waiting and recently stage 2 reconstruction...which I find is really the first of many little surgeries.  I am at a place in my life where I am willing to open my journal from that time and share with you my anger, fears, challenges and pain of finding out you have cancer.   This is me sharing with you from the other side of breast cancer.

 
These are not current events, events are from October 2010

I apologize for the length of time since the last post.  My family is in flux at the moment and my access to the internet is spotty.  I am now going to attempt to upload blog (I've still been writing offline.) entries weekly and scheduled by blogger.  I'm sorry for any distress I may have called.  I DO not have a re-occurrence of cancer as a concerned reader emailed to ask.  ;)

Chemo last Friday went pretty well. Dr. wasn't happy with the nausea and vomiting I had previously. So he worked up a whole list of meds for me, some IV for the chemo infusion and some to take orally here at home. THOSE were not cheap, as we had to go to a non-provider pharmacy but the insurance will reimburse us about 80% of it. Let me tell you they knocked me on my butt! They kept the nausea down for sure. I just had a little up til Monday and it was gone. But sometimes the cure is almost as bad; I thought I was going to crawl to the bathroom a few times. I was so lightheaded; everything was so bright and whitewashed....I was not digging it!

I had the Neulasta Injection a couple of days ago, but he reduced it to a half dose. IF it’s going to fire up my bones it will be tonight. I can feel my bones kind of tuning up now. One bone will throb and it will stop and another will start. The nurse giving the shot suggested I start taking the Percocet at the first throb of pain. I had more muscle and joint pain earlier in the week from the Taxotere. I run fevers with it too. Its not fun and it hurts and slows me down. But it never gets to a level where I’m gasping in pain. It’s more of a groaning, “want to cry” kind of pain. Everything just throbs, walking is pain and a serious chore. But it’s like a level 6 at its worse. I mean it hurts, and moving is hard but I’m not crying out in pain. :/

When I was at chemo, a woman from the American Cancer Society came around and gave everyone a little gift. It was a tea cup with chocolates and lip balm and lotion samples. You KNOW that I was thrilled with that.

I told Dr. Joe about mom’s surgery and how family had forbid me to go. He said as far as my treatment...her surgery was scheduled perfectly for me. 2 days before chemo MY LAST chemo! So IF I feel up to it, I’m going to the hospital. If I’m still having pains I won’t attempt it. It’s still two weeks away and things can change a lot by then.

I had a laugh last week when I went to Kohls to check out their breast cancer awareness display. There amongst the therapy socks and gloves were "quick dry hair clothes" with pink ribbons embroidered on them. They are supposed to soak up moisture and dry your hair faster. I know I have had such a hard time getting MY hair to dry. I burst out laughing. People probably thought I’d lost it, standing there - bent over and holding my stomach and laughing with tears in my eyes. It just struck me as hilarious.

This week K and I have had a few giggles as we attempted to dry my hair. lol It’s good to have a mate who is right there with me in this. One day he surprised me with a banana cream pie...oh my. I asked him what he was going to eat? He thought I was joking. So I let him have a piece, maybe two. Since he also surprises me with the occasional chunky monkey....I thought I could share.

Linda –

That is rather ironic and funny about the quick dry cloths being right next to cancer paraphernalia.

Thanks for the update! Be sure and take your doctor's advice and take the percocet. My former doctor (now retired; I miss him!) always said that the pain is faster than the medication, so don't wait until the pain is unbearable to take your percocet.

I am praying that your pain eases and that you're able to be with your mom when she has her surgery, and praying that her surgery goes well.

I hope you don't think it's silly, but I also prayed that you'd be able to taste the chocolate. (((Tina)))

Rosey –

No Linda not silly. I consider chocolate an essential food group. :) I have taken a pain med already as I can feel the bones are amping up. I can groan through pain at a 5 or 6 so if it stays below I can deal with it. I’m sucking on banana pops to try and stay hydrated too.

The funny thing about the hair towels was that they were pink BCA merchandise as well. I know that people without cancer buy the pink ribbon stuff in support of someone or as a donation. I thought it funny that the merchandisers or the store didn't consider how a survivor would view the towels. I choose humor but I have a friend diagnosed the same day who is having a really hard time. October is beating her up because she feels everywhere she turns; the world is shouting she has breast cancer. :( I’m kind of enjoying all the pink. It’s like the world is supporting me in recovery!

She’s still working and that just seems impossible to me. My father worked all through his chemo and radiation treatments and now I understand how much he suffered and how hard it was. He told me that there were times his coworkers just carried and covered him. I’m even amazed that he got up every day and went to work. He’s been gone nearly 10 years but I wish I could go back and give him a hug. For years, I would go home for the week of his chemo. His chemo was every day for one week a month. That week I was there to cook, clean and run their errands. Now, knowing exactly how hard it is, I’m so happy I was there for him.


Tracy -

I'm glad you saw the humor in the quick dry hair cloths. I truly believe that a person's attitude does affect their healing. Your sense of humor is keeping you sane!

Pink Ribbons - The Port-a-Cath Surgery

Pink Ribbons is a feature series I have started that is posted every Wed.  I am a Pink Ribbon Warrior, having gone through the chemo, surgery, radiation, the year of waiting and recently stage 2 reconstruction...which I find is really the first of many little surgeries.  I am at a place in my life where I am willing to open my journal from that time and share with you my anger, fears, challenges and pain of finding out you have cancer.  At the end of the post, you will find the links of the previous posts from the most recent first and going back.  These are not current events.  This is me sharing with you from the other side of breast cancer.

August 12, 2010

I don't know whose bright idea it was to schedule a doctor visit with the radiologist the morning after surgery. I'm okay just really sore and not wanting to move. The port is in that hollow between your collar bone and shoulder in my left side. I told the nurse it felt like a bad sprain. But before I got home I decided it felt like a bullet hole! My arm has limits in what it will do without making that muscle seize up. They gave me Vicodin for pain. I just don't like it. I don't know why it has such a high street value.  It has never helped my pain.  It does make me sleepy though.

Mr. Rosey stopped to get it at the pharmacy and she quotes him a total of $153 and he started sputtering "the copay for vicodin is $10!"

She told him, they had 12 medications for me to pick up. Apparently Doctors had been faxing in scripts for chemo care, diabetes plus pain meds. The pharmacy tech got rather snarky when he told her he was there to pick up the vicodin.  It was the drug I immediately needed.

She questioned him why we bothered having the other meds called in! ergh. He in turn got impatient and rather heatedly said...."Look lady! My wife has breast cancer and she just got home from a surgery. She NEEDS the pain med now. The others can wait until the weekend when I can get back in with the rest of the money for the other meds."

She apologized but Mr. Rosey doesn't know that he won't speak to the pharmacist anyway. He is already feeling like he's operating in crisis mode. He had a really bad morning at work. They probably don't mean to but they really guilt-ed him about leaving for my surgery.

The Port Surgery -  First I don't know why they schedule a person for afternoon surgery and keep them NPO from midnight before! I was dehydrated when they were trying to get blood. *squeezing my eyes shut in a wince* My faithful pumper wouldn't pump. So the nurse called for a phlebotomist that looked like she was still in Jr high. I didn't want to be insulting but when I saw her I knew she'd have trouble. I am a hard stick. I was dehydrated  She was 13 if a day...:) After a bit of digging and twisting she finally quit the spot. She did finally get blood from a tiny vein in the hand....soooo comfortable in the hand you know. It took 10 minutes to fill a tube it was such a tiny vein.

Then my surgeon's associate came in. Dr. Etters - (MY surgeon is away at a conference getting more education. That's always good.) Since he was out of town, his associate Dr. Laks did the surgery. They sent in Doogie Howser! --------------------------->

He was delightful but I had a hard time believing he had graduated high school much less medical school. I was reassured by his whiskers. That was my vantage point...lying on a gurney under that joke of a gown.  I could see the bottom of his chin where he had real man whiskers, not just boy fuzz.

Why do the snaps of a hospital gown NEVER work? 

Seriously how many THOUSANDS of dollars

 are they going to charge for this surgery? 

Yet I was given a gown that had one working snap

 at each shoulder. One near the elbow which did nothing

 to hold it up and the other side about half way down. 

They did provide blessed warm blankets, so regardless I was laying on my back looking at Doogie's chin.  I showed him where I didn't want the port...like under a bra strap. I had written all over my chest where my bra lines were..where the seat belt lines where. I had a hay day with markers.  Kind of like a kindergartner with the permission to write all over with markers?

He was amused by my artwork and said he would try to keep the port away from my lines. But warned the port often chose where it sat. He wound up backing it up to the line over the L girlie. But I didn't tell him I made the marks using my widest strap bra. So when I put my normal bras on....the straps sit well away from the port.

So Mr. Anesthesiologist comes in. Not so young but looked mid 30's. Still young but not "Doogie" young. He looked fresh off the farm. He was in scrubs, but his appearance screamed BUMPKIN!  I'm referring to the OZARK "look out the revenuer is acomin' backwoods bumpkin".   I'm related to a WHOLE bunch of them. 

He walked up, introduced himself.  But he asked the question that I have come to detest.

 "How are you Mrs. Rosey?" 

Now how am I supposed to answer that? No one really wants to hear the truth. Well, I'm scared and really mad. This is scary stuff and you ask me how am feeling?

I told him I was dehydrated and not a good stick on a good day so he gave me one of those "I'm the doctor" smirks. But he poked my elbow veins and missed.  Then he went to the inside of the wrist. Yowza! It kept stopping and they would call him back. He finally taped it to my arm and tied my hand and arm down to a board.  Then he took a black marker and wrote across the tapes - Do NOT disturb!


The surgery was only about 20 minutes so I didn't have to be put totally under anesthesia. They used Versed and Propofol...the Micheal Jackson drug. Seriously. I was chatting with the nurse who was scrubbing and draping me....and then I was waking up while riding down a hallway.   I didn't have any of weird anesthesia feeling. It was pop!  I'm awake and talking. "Where are we going? To recovery? Did they cancel the surgery? No...its over?"   Seriously and I laid back and said, "Dude...if this is what feeling drunk is like, I wanna go home and try it!" They cracked up! I was feeling no pain.

I was turned over to a nurse in Recovery.  I asked her how long I had to stay there cuz frankly I was ready to go. "Well you have to drink something and keep it down.  Then you have to walk without fainting." I did all those things so she helped me dress.  Then they gave me a Vicodin and an ice pack and sent me on my way.


My sisters showed up only 30 minutes before I had to leave for the surgery. They all came in wearing head scarves that they planned to leave with me. Mom kept wearing  hers. It was nice to see my mom. I think she wanted to come for this surgery because she doesn't think she will make the big one this winter. :(  She came into pre-op to sit with me.  It seemed like she wanted to stay close to me.  I hate that I'm putting her through this while she's dying of liver failure.

For some reason I had this visceral gut type response to seeing them all wearing chemo scarves or hats.  Not sure what that was about on my part.  I know they weren't making fun and they were being supportive.  So I don't know why it was such a kick in the shorts for me.

I made a mistake in judgement.  The surgery was short and I guess momma wanted to spend more time with me.  She asked if she could take me to dinner.  Mr. Rosey had to get on home to start HIS infusion.  So we all piled into her van and went to Olive Garden.  While I was sitting there... anesthesia started wearing off and the entire left side of my body started humming in pain.  I just wanted to go home and they were having a good time with dinner.  sigh.

By the time I got home, I was wiped out and just wanted to cry from the exhaustion and pain.  Mom and the sisters sat around chatting,  while the nurses made themselves scarce.  A new nurse - who looks all of 22 years old will be taking over Mr. Rosey's care.  What is going on with all these doctors and nurses looking like they should be earning their scouting badges?  I felt like I had to sit up while the new nurse was here when more than anything I just wanted to go to bed.  Oh well.  I survived it.

We learned my insurance does not cover a shower chair. Do you believe they called it a luxury item? WOW!!  I would challenge them to have chemo and/or radiation and then call the chair a luxury.

I have loved the texts from all you WOW friends. KJ gets all weepy at some of them. He's just like... most of these people have no clue whether you really have cancer. He says, "You could be scamming the whole lot of them." he he he....  That's right.  I have been setting this up for the last 10 years.

Sunday - our weekend nurse came in bringing a shower chair.  An NICE shower chair with a soap holder and a place to hang a towel.  I had asked if I gave her the cash, if she would pick me up a shower seat from her pharmacy?  Well she just walked in with this nice seat and said it was her "contribution" to my care.  How sweet is that?