I'm not a good enough mom, wife, homemaker, cook, friend, teacher, and certainly not a good enough Christian.
I know I don't pray enough. I don't read my Bible enough. I don't praise enough. I don't edify or encourage enough. I fall so short of my own expectations, how can I hope to meet someone else's expectation?
I am simply NOT enough.
In our efforts to become BETTER, we keep hitting that wall of NOT ENOUGH.
To determine "enough" we have to consider our strengths and acknowledge our weaknesses. But it is not fair that I hold my weaknesses up against the strengths of someone else. Sadly I'm looking at this huge stainless steel shelf I bought to keep in the kitchen because I had too much stuff for the counters. I started out with my microwave, my kitchen aide mixer, a beautiful set of colored mixing bowels. I had/have three bins with labels stating their contents. And on the very bottom I keep the cat and dog foods. It was lovely. I contemplated putting a potted ivy on the top shelf. I stuck a fake one up there so I didn't have to figure out how to keep the real one alive. It was so organized.
Just this very afternoon, I looked at this shelf and wondered what happened. There are bottles of BBQ sauce, water, boxes of pasta, little cartons or fruit, fruit juices and soda all shoved into the space that was supposed to be ENOUGH. If I was really brave I would have taken a photo of MY shelf. I'm not. That brave, I mean.
I looked at this monster I created and sadly shook my head. I an not organized enough. I need to be MORE like my friend, Sheri.
I am told she has bins and baskets for everything and there are labels on them all. She and I have teased each other about our love for our label maker. She, because apparently she likes it all to be organized. I label things because if I don't...I have no clue where it is or what it does. I recently started labeling electric cords. Have you ever looked into a box of electric adapters, picked up one and said "I have no clue what this goes to." I have. I threw it away in my effort to declutter my spaces. 2 weeks later I picked up my cordless screw driver and said...."where did that charging cord go?" uh oh.
So back to Sheri. Okay, here's the thing. I have no clue how organized Sheri really is. I have been TOLD she is organized. I've not seen her organization so I have this mental image in my head. I trust she is very organized just like my friends have claimed. But having no connection with the real picture, the one in my head is impossible for me to reach.
More often the images of ENOUGH in our head are an unrealistic expectation...like my mental picture of what Sheri's kitchen cabinets and closets look like. (And I will just DIE of shame if they are perfectly organized!) I have never seen her kitchen, so in MY head its spotless, perfectly organized, gleaming, with NOTHING on the counters...because of course, SHE is organized ENOUGH for everything to have a home. I admire Beth Moore, the women's Bible study leader very greatly. I watch her videos instructing me on some Bible truth and I'm caught up...she's always dressed so cute. She probably rolls out of bed that cute. She must have been a great mother to have her daughters so supportive and involved in her ministry. She must read her Bible every moment...that she's not writing books and devotionals. I will never be enough...not like Beth Moore.
I look at some of the women in MY Bible study and I think again...I am not enough. She is more spiritual. She is a better wife. She is more fun. She is always baking. She is so patient with her children. I really don't know them well enough to know if they are MORE than me. I just MAKE them MORE.
But I am so wrong.
I love the word "sufficient". It may be my new favorite word..it can go behind SERENITY, CACOPHONY and now SUFFICIENT.
I looked up the definition of the word "Sufficient".
I have read this Bible verse over 100 times. I have always applied the context of the verse, to speaking of something that ails us. Something that we pray to be delivered from.
All the other stuff is just the silliness that we women often get all caught up in. Measuring our weakness against someone else's strength. Accepting someone else's (or worse - the media's) definition of what we are supposed to look like, sound like and behave like even in our Christian communities. We demean who God created us to be. God created me to be ENOUGH of what HE created me FOR. I have a good idea he did not create me to be an organizing guru for the masses. But I hear Him telling me that I am more than enough for the purpose he created me. Whatever it is that God is asking of me, I am more than enough.
I don't have to hold myself up against someone else to judge how well I am doing. God created me with the gifts me I need to be enough. He only judges my obedience.