Sunday, May 12, 2013

My Mother's Day

Thirty four years of marriage.

It's was probably only 6 months after we married that we decided to stop using preventative measures against pregnancy.  Not anxious to have a child at the point, but we were willing to.

Three years later, despite our most ardent efforts *grinning* we were still childless and we were becoming anxious.  I concluded...something was wrong.

I spent hours at the library, (this was before the internet took off) for sure.  I read and pored over books.  I taught myself how to read fertility signs.  I learned how to chart them and dutifully took my basal body temp every morning with an aching bladder, impatiently waiting for the 2 minutes to be up.

I learned I did not have fertile times.  I did not ovulate.

It would be a couple more years before finding a doctor who was willing to help us conceive.  We were active duty military at the time, and for the first few years I got the same attitude from military doctors.  They were callous and disinterestd in propogating more "military brats."

It was at 6 years that we were stationed in Mayport Fl where military spouses (me) had to use civilian medical, paid by CHAMPUS.  There a doctor diagnosed...polycystic ovarian syndrome.  I was correct.  I was not ovulating.  But he held out hope...fertility meds that were inducing ovulation in women like me.

So I started.  Month after month of blistering hot flashes, wild mood swings, scheduled sex and periods.  Lots and lots of periods.  I suffered the humiliaton of exams and giving the doctor my temp and sex charts...embarrassment of having someone comment on how often you are having sex.

Every month I flushed my hope away with a heavy heart.  Year Six, I skipped Mother's Day at church.  I couldn't face the celebrations with empty arms.

In the fall of 1986, I had a positive pregnancy test and how we rejoiced.  But weeks later, we grieved that loss.  My heart was broke and I determined that God did not want me to have the desire of my heart.  He did not want me to be happy.  I did not trust him.

That Spring of 1987, both of us skipped Mother's Day celebrations and went on a day trip.  Anything to keep from hearing the happy voices around us.  That year, I flew home to spend a month for a sister's wedding.  I was home with my father for Father's Day, numbing the pain of not successfully giving my husband a ticket to the day.

Unknown to us, this would be a turning point.  I had determined...I was stopping.  No more charts.  No more temps.   I didn't have the heart for it right now.  I was just going to love my husband and be done with this torture and repeated failure.

I got pregnant.

It wasn't an easy pregnancy...threatened miscarriage, hypertension, pre-eclampsia and diabetes all threatened the life I carried.  I lived in fear that I would wake up one day and it would be over again.  I spent 7 months on bedrest, living on my left side to give my child the best blood flow.

Then one morning in Feb 1988, it happened.

 I had my Mother's Day


  1. Happy Mother's Day! Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

  2. Happy Mother's Day to you as well Lynne. I'm glad you were able to spend time with your mother this Spring.

  3. I wrote a similar post the other day. My miracle arrived in January of 1990.

    1. I did not know this Beth. I am happy for you on mother's day as well.

  4. Replies
    1. I'm happy you enjoyed it. Kelly and I seriously celebrate our Mother's and Father's days. :)