Yes, it is I, the Queen of the Feet

I confess to having a thing for feet.  I do although I am quick to admit that I find nothing erotic about feet. When people have their feet uncovered it's the first thing I note about someone.  If it's winter, it's their hands.  Some people notice the eyes or a smile.  I'm looking for well-manicured hands, and well cared for feet.

I am the self-appointed judge of the feet....both fair and foul.

Feet were all created perfectly.  I have proof.

Admit it.  You want to kiss these little toes.   No one is immune to the adorable nature of baby feet.  No one will hesitate to scoop up the little piggys to admire their cuteness, nor do we give second thought to bring those toes to our lips to kiss or to blow raspberries against the soles of giggly digits.

These 4 year old toes are adorable.

These little 5 year old toes are just too cute

Little girls after my own heart.  Loving the polish Miss Rachel and Miss Becca.

Some things about our feet are simply up to our DNA. I do not hold against you those things that you inherit.  Whether you have a super long big toe, or itsy bitsy toes, I chalk it up to your family genetics.  I do not care if you have a weird third toe, short toes or a wide foot.   I have a dear friend with the cutest stubby little toes.  But when her polish chips, Rosey no longer holds her friend's toes in high esteem.  People tell me all the time to not look at their feet, because they have ugly feet. If you have a weird long toe or one that is different, that's just genetics.  My beef is with the people who don't take CARE of their feet.  When I have friends and family who do not take care of their feet and I call them on it.  My closest friends and I laugh over my thing about feet.  And they don't think I notice when they promptly slide their feet under their chairs.  :)  Makes me wonder what's going on under those socks and shoes.

Not even cute bluebird tats can disguise the nasty toes here.
Fix the polish sweetie.  This is "white trash" polish.
You can do better than this.  I detest this on fingernails as well.
It's either polish or no polish.  Chipped, chewed or worn
off polish is NEVER the correct answer.

Seriously?  Trim those nails.

There's so much wrong with this photo, ewwww
those heels need to be scrubbed... for a year! and
I'm not talking about the shoes.

When the feet go for an undetermined time without proper care, you develop what I refer to as "Hobbit foot".  Rosey had a major and devastating fall back in 2002.  She herniated a disc in her back that grabbed and tore a nerve.  It paralyzed her foot so she was unable to move her toes or lift her foot.  In addition she tore the ACL and LCL ligaments in her knee.  The Physical therapist was impressed with how quickly Rosey rehabbed the knee so it would fully bend.  

The secret was "Hobbit Feet.  Yes...in those 3 months it took me to be able to reach the feet, I had built up so many layers of dead skin that I had Hobbit foot.  I could not rest in my efforts to bend my knee and bring the feet up so I could rid myself of the dreaded ugly hobbit feet.  Seriously did you not notice the feet on the hobbit people in the Lord of the Rings Triology?  Mine were not that hairy. But they were that crusty. ewwwww

I really don't have anything specific about these feet to share.  I was just dazzled by these shoes.  Wouldn't catch me wearing them, but I think they are stunning.

  I think feet are amazing.  And everyone knows when your feet hurt, you hurt all over.  Feet are important!  Take care of them.  These feet are of different sizes and shapes.  They are here as examples of perfectly fine and fair tootsies despite the shapes of the foot.

Toes do not have to be polished for feet to be judged "nice".
 They must have trimmed toenails and smooth heels,
and all around smooth skin.

Cute

Absolutely adorable and I would stop her to tell her so.

These toes are near and dear to me...I'm quite
attached to them you might say.  You will note that
there is plenty of sole left between the end of the toes.
  They were polished with a purple polish with
purple sparkles that as it turned out, required
 a chisel and a dremel tool to remove.

I have been known to stop complete strangers in the mall or in the checkout line to tell them they have beautiful feet, an amazing pedicure or the smoothest heels I have seen in such a long time.  Poor Mr. Rosey just about has a stroke when I do such a thing.  "What is wrong with you?  Why do you have to comment on a stranger's feet?"  He will hiss at me.  

I'm totally innocent here.  I comment because obviously someone took time to purposely make their feet look nice.  I would complement you on your earrings or your hair if those were the things that garnered my notice.  If you put your feet out there uncovered, Rosey will notice them.  And if you have done a good job, she needs to let you know your effort was noted thus your time was worth it.  Granted most of them laugh and look at me as if I've lost my mind, but I am confident that I have made society a better place for feet.

DNA has a lot to do with the appearance of our feet.  It determines the size, the shape, the length of our toes, even the shape of our toenails.  Unfortunately my DNA put hair on my toes and they are somewhat on the long side.  I started trimming toe hair about the same time I started shaving my legs.  I inherited my toes from my dad.  I can move my toes around, and pinch someone.  In our family we have call them "monkey toes".  My husband calls them weird and creepy.  He thinks that toes are not supposed to move like mine.  But having monkey toes is a useful trait.  

It was exceptional good fortune to have monkey toes when my son was in his "Lego" years.  I rescued many a cube from the vacuum with them.

I do restrain myself from approaching THOSE people, in public.  I have not walked up to a stranger *yet anyway* to announce...they have been awarded a spot on Rosey's Grody Foot Alert.  But I don't share that info with them.  No need to embarrass a stranger or put Mr. Rosey in a position of having to defend me should someone take SERIOUS offense to my award. I do not judge feet on their shape, or oddities.  But on the grooming and condition of the skin.

Heels so dry and cracked they are starting to fissure.

I have also not walked up to anyone asking them to take off their shoes so I might inspect their feet.  But if you put the feet out there...you are putting them out there for comment.  If I know you well, I may scold you for letting them fall into such a disreputable condition.  :)

 You may recall the Summer Grooming Pledge....

• I promise to always wear sandals that fit.
• My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
• I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
• I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
• I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
• I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it the real good. (NOTE: Sandalfoot pantyhose are acceptable :-))
• If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
• I will not live in corn denial, rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholls if my feet need him.
• I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.  
• Should I fail in the immediate preceding pledge and purchase jelly shoes, I resolve to ever remove my shoes with other's in the immediate area. When people comment about a smell of sweaty feet I resolve to throw my jellies away regardless of what cute color they may be.
• I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

So assemble your implements.  Remember to grab a couple hand size towels.  If you have polish on the toes remove it with cotton swaps and polish remover.  If you use a polish with glitter in them it's going to take a little while to remove all the old polish.  You might want to borrow someones sander.


I start out filling this huge white plastic bowl with warm/hot water.  It's probably 2 ft across.  I pop in couple of those pink fizzle tablets.  These came from Mary Kay and they make your skin soft.  But similar fizzles can be purchased at Sally's Beauty Supply.  Both feet go in and it's time to surf the web.  After 20 minutes or so, I lift out one foot, dry it and then trim down the toenails. *Diabetics can have their toenails cut by the doctor, otherwise use extreme caution clipping your own* Back into the bath and repeat with the other foot.

Add to the water to soften feet

Couldn't find my orange stick to photograph so I grabbed
the plastic one.  Same use, push back the cuticles and scrub any
grime out from around and under the nails.

The white paddle was purchased from Sally's and is a better "exfoliator" than Dr. Scholl's.  I use this to scrub dead skin off the heel, sides and bottom of the foot.  Flip it over to use the smoothing side on the stop of the foot.  Or briskly rub the top with a dry towel.  Often that is enough to remove the buildup of dead skin on the top of the foot.
Don't forget the toes...rub the towel briskly over and between them.  Don't gag when you look at the towel again.  Though it shouldn't have to be said, it does.  If your feet sting or hurt when you file at them, STOP filing.  You can file the skin raw if you don't pay attention.

The metal file is used only on the heel area when I need to file down stubborn callous' or if it's been awhile.  NEVER use the metal files on the top of the foot.  I pay WAY more attention to this step than any salon I've ever been in.  I use on average about 3 different foot files to keep my feet pampered...including the use of a ped egg and never use any form of razor on the feet.                                                            

I use that worn pink file to buff the tops of the nail.  I have weird bumps and ridges that this smooths away.  It gives a uniform surface for the polish.

Now to polish.  Some people will use a q-tip to put Vaseline on the skin around the toenail  It helps keep polish off the skin.  I use the base coat on the nail...this one is called "Nail Gripper"  I put 2 layers of color, and top with 2 layers of the pink sparkle.  
Finish with a topping of Oh So Wet.  It's a super shiny top coat.  Yes.  It IS 5 layers of polish.  My pedicures do not rub away.

This is a portion of my "tool kit".  Truth is I also have a whole other
bin of polishes and nail stuff. *embarrassed*

It's not a quick job.  If I need it done quickly I go to a salon.  I find a chick flick is a great time to work on my feet.  When the polishes are dry, remove the vaseline or rub it in.  Then smooth a good body cream into the foot and pull on thick socks.  If you REALLY want to give your feet the salon treatment...pull bread sacks over your feet and let them marinate in the cream for a while.  But it's nearly impossible to walk with the plastic on the feet.  If you are like me and very likely have been swigging sweet tea while doing all this, you need to be prepared to run to the bathroom....to lose the tea so to speak.  ;)

Finally to quote Jeff Foxworthy

If your toenails are 4 different colors and you NOT wearing polishes?  Just say NO to sandals!