Thursday, October 18, 2012

Pink Ribbons...But the World Still Goes On

Pink Ribbons is a feature series I have started that is posted every Wed.  I am a Pink Ribbon Warrior, having gone through the chemo, surgery, radiation, the year of waiting and recently stage 2 reconstruction...which I find is really the first of many little surgeries.  I am at a place in my life where I am willing to open my journal from that time and share with you my anger, fears, challenges and pain of finding out you have cancer.  At the end of the post, you will find the links of the previous posts from the most recent first and going back.  These are not current events.  This is me sharing with you from the other side of breast cancer. 

Hi Guys, I got a bunch of cards in the mail today. That was cool.  I got a funny card from my sister.  It made me laugh and that felt good.

We also got news in the mail that has made me sick to my stomach.  You know my husband gets an infusion every month to counter act the effects of the neurological disease he has.  The insurance company sent a notice that they will no longer cover his treatments as they aren't helping!  

Uh yeah does help. * sarcastic*  

It's not a cure, it's a treatment. It allows him to keep working. So on top of my own struggles I have to call his neurologist tomorrow to find out what is going on. I need to find out how we can appeal this. He won't be able to work without use of his right arm. However he HAS to continue working until this cancer treatment is finished. I can hardly breathe this makes me so sick.

I've had to sit back and realize that my life seemed to stop with the diagnosis - CANCER.  But the rest of the world is still going on, still making stupid decisions and still impacting my life.  It's really hard to focus on dealing with normal, daily stuff, PLUS cancer and PLUS the critical issues that come up.  AUGH!  Make it go away!

It almost feels like a death.  I get the diagnosis and everything stopped for my husband and myself.  We narrowed our focus to concentrate on getting the answers about my cancer and starting treatments.  Every so often we get interrupted...someone's having a baby.  Someone's got a new job.  Someone bought a house.  It's like everyone else is going on with their lives but mine is stuck here in Cancertown.  

 Sally:  is the insurance company his DOCTOR?????????   How do they know it's not helping????????????????  praying for you  

Carla:  Rosey, I'm behind on my reading but wanted to tell you that I love you and am praying for you.

Shelley: I can't believe this insurance company can do that, and I hate that it causes extra stress for you guys who have to take care of it! I will pray that the neurologist’s office can take care of it quickly and painlessly. I'm sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. I noticed in another post you talked about being tired from the emotional toll of it all, I am paraphrasing, can't remember exactly, but anyway, I can certainly see how that would be true. I will be praying for God to give you extra strength and for these things to be taken care of and stop stressing you out. Prayers for your hubbie too, lots of them! For his body, for his treatments to continue, for his work, for his emotions, for his stress, everything, and for the Spirit to intercede and pray for all the things I can't even think of to pray.  Love you guys!

Rosey:  Thanks guys. Your fiery red mad faces gave me a laugh. Cell phones don't give you emoticon choices. So I forget you have them. It's a surprise when I see one.

The family issue over releasing my medical issue will die down.  I'm not sure they understand, but I believe they will respect my wishes.  It's private to me and I think the general public only wants to hear about cancer in general terms.  I'M still trying to come to terms with it myself.  I didn't need to open up facebook and find the details on my wall...when I wasn't ready to put them there myself.  

You guys are being so good to me. Letting me say whatever I need to say. You aren't running from it or giving me platitudes. Many of you are praying for me but you aren't just praying and running. You offer input and encouragement. I'm getting so much more support than I expected from all of you who are hundreds of miles away. Jason and Marcia have been taking me to my numerous appointments. But there's a lot of silence from other friends. They say let me know if there's something I can do. Which usually means "oh please dear god, don't bother me." I've learned already the ones who really want to help will ask...what can I do to help you?   That's a question I can answer.

Still waiting for return calls from the neurologist, it usually takes them a while.

Having Cancer is hard when you still have
 to deal with the rest of the world

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