Friday, November 2, 2012

Chasing Sleep

Tonight, I sit in a quiet room and my jaw comes nearly undone with yawn that unhinges me.  I am sleepy.  To some of you in perpetual sleepiness this may seem mundane, but I have found how joyful it is to be sleepy.  To get sleep, zzz's or shut eye, it is a blessing.

The first week of August something happened inside my head (Mr. Rosey tells me that is a rare occurrence of any sort).  I lost the ability to get sleepy.  I would dress for bed, lay down and my brain would take off to the races.  I made lists, counted those cute Serta sheep, quoted Scripture, sang, tried to do long division (gave up on that), I planned menus and grocery lists...and eventually I would get mad.

I would get up and find myself doing dishes, shampooing carpet, or just reading at 2 am, . 

Sleep was ever so elusive and fleeting.  Sometimes I would be exhausted and tumble into bed, falling into an exhausted heap and drift off into nothingness.  But then awaken in a startle anywhere between 45 minutes to 2 hours later.  A good night of sleep became 5 hours.  I wasn't functioning on that amount.  Worse, I experienced the occasional day where I slept 2 hours over a 48 hour time frame.

I lost my sparkle.

My diva was drowning in stupefied stupidity.  

By the middle of October, I was dragging through the days in endless monotony.  I was fighting other battles as well.  I hurt all over, my blood glucose levels were going through the roof and I required nearly twice the insulin.  Despite the high glucose, I was starving and eating frequently...and gaining weight as well.  Every movement seemed to require superhuman effort.  I became convinced I'd contracted some wretched, horribly debilitating disease over the internet.

I came face to face with the fact that the human body not only needs sleep, it is a necessity.

I tried the Melatonin, benedryl, chamomile tea.  I tried all three together.  I tried napping and not napping.  I tried hot showers and still my pillows sat lonely.  I sent a desperate email to my doctor, who kindly faxed a sleeping aid to the pharmacy.  I followed the directions and I slept for 9 hours!

I was dancing through the hallway.  Yes!  I found an answer.  I took it the next night and still slept, but when the sun rose the next day, Rosey did not.  I got up, staggered to the family room, bouncing off corners on the way and fell onto the couch.

I sat...staring at the fish tank.  
That was all I accomplished.  

I have no memory of how I passed the day, apparently sitting for 6 hours staring at angelfish.  Mr. Rosey came home and sometime after his arrival I realized the incessant buzzing I heard was him.  He had been talking.  I turned my bleary, bloodshot eyes toward him and asked "huh?"  

"Do you have something planned for dinner," he asked me.

I replied again, "huh?"

Mr. Rosey made me see the doctor.  I left with another script in my weary hands with great hopes.  Frankly, I was skeptical but willing to try.  So I took the pill, and an hour later began to yawn.  I wasn't feeling sleepy, but gargantuan yawns threatened to overtake my face.  So I laid down.

I woke sometime in the wee hours of the morning realizing I had been asleep.  At first the days were a little challenging but for a week, night after night I was going to bed and falling asleep like normal people.  I'm pretty certain I heard angelic chores rejoicing over my sleep.

It had positive results.  I began to focus.  I began to move.  I found myself able to work on a chore and actually complete it.  I noticed my blood sugar levels were falling, and my hunger was lessening.  The aches and pains were diminishing and after 3 days of deep sleep I awoke with no pain.  I have slept nightly for 7 days.  I'm feeling better.

Yesterday, the Diva woke up.  

I threw a tantrum while trying to style my hair for an appointment.  Rosey stood up within me and demanded that I go get my hair cut.  So after my doctor appointment, I went for a hair appointment.  I was very pleased with this new hair dresser and when I left...I'm pretty sure I felt a glimmer of a sparkle.

More about Insomnia


  1. Hurray for the return of your sparkle. Looking forward to seeing it shine in future posts!

  2. Yeah for the return of your inner diva!! I can't imagine you without your diva!! :D

  3. Wow Rosie! Not getting any sleep would have done me in a long time ago. Another struggle you had to overcome and you did so well! I'm so glad you went to the doctor... and very glad your inner Diva and outer sparkle have returned! Love ya much... Meeshia