Oh sugar, you seductive wench!

Oh sugar, you seductive wench!  How you tie my physical body into knots of emotional need.  Cognitively, I know my physical self has no purposeful need of you, but oh does your siren's call draw me in.  Gasp!

Here is where I want to add a photo of your villainous self, in your prettier forms.  Oh the deceptive innocence you can portray as you invite us to enslave ourselves to your worship. The dyamic C's words that you flash across our minds eye as you try to draw us even closer. I choose instead a pretty bowl that you would normally reside in, so I dost not tempt someone else to fall to you in a moment of weakness...I shall guzzle more water til I gag and suck on a few lemons as well if necessary.  Be gone from me thou foul substance.  Perhaps I will long for you less if I can think of you as you are....the dried byproduct of boiled sugar cane grasses.

Not so pretty and attractive NOW, are you sugar?

Ok.  I just took a large guzzle of lemonade and I hope the moment has passed.  I am in great pain.  After Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years where gluttony is accepted even encouraged, comes the reality of adapting to a healthy meal plan and stop with the noshing.  It's not so easy to turn my back on the addiction to sugar that keeps me enslaved.  I think I am in DT's!  (Delirium tremens)

I've heard discussions about dangerous drugs and how addictive they are.  I say by far, sugar is most addictive.  An drug addict takes a hit and then falls into their drug induced euphoria.  We sugar addicts keep on licking that lollipop!  We might not die instantly from our drug of choice, but slowly and methodically sugar steals life from us.

At Thanksgiving we eat well past "the full state" then unbutton our pants to continue our gluttony.  (Though very smart gluttons learn to wear stretch pants to the table!) At Christmas we eat the pan of fudge by ourselves ..not that I admit to such an atrocity.  We spend a day to bake...sugar in her most glorious, gorgeous and insidious forms....the Three C's...Cookie, Cakes & Candy.  In a virtual free for all, we unleash "sugar" upon our helpless families who are drawn like zombies to the last living human.

We do this to ourselves.

So after giving myself a true chastisement,  I started the week to control myself.  Back on the meal plan, getting the blood sugars back to normal and being in control.  I want to be like "normal" people...and not feed a sugar addiction continuously.  Despite the numerous diets out there...my goal is to be "normal".  I don't do Atkins, South Beach or the Cabbage Soup diet, the HCG diet, the 7 UP diet, or other fad dieting.  I strive for the "Control diet, impulse control, portion control and self control.  I do not consider self and impulse control to be the same thing...maybe you have to have struggled with impulse to know the difference.  I do follow the diabetic meal plan recommendations as well as working with a dietician and a bariatric doctor.

This afternoon, I have been fighting IMPULSE control as the need for sugar rises within me.  This Sunday, we are celebrating Mr. Rosey's 55th birthday.  There will be cake.  I intend to have cake and ice cream in normal portions like a normal person does.  It has been a long time since I have been "normal".  I tell myself that I don't need sugar today as I will be having cake on Sunday...like a NORMAL person would.  But the "normal" inside me doesn't want to listen.  She is giggling hysterically and pleading with me to mix up some brownie batter....just to eat the batter!  Go for it Tina, KJ's at work...no one will know.  Feed the need, she entices me.

But I will know.  

When you eat and feel shame, then you have to step back and take a look at what you've been eating.  That was last week for me.  New Year's meals ended a 2 month unrestrained food frenzy.  5 days in and the sugar addiction is rising.  I in fact laughed as I fought this demon within because I truly had the urge to mix up cake batter to eat despite the knowledge that we're having a birthday party this weekend.  I felt myself weakening in my resolve to avoid not only sugar, but the shameful impulsive debauchery of binging.

I was washing dishes and thinking "Lord, help me because that box of brownies is talking to me louder than You are!"  I was instantly hit with the mental image of my box of brownies taking on a Betty Boop shape giving me the "come hither".  I laughed and just as instantly decided...if I can't eat it, I'll blog about it.

So to each of you who have read this, I thank you for the time you have given me.  I know feel the impulse has passed and I am able to have dinner without Betty Boop Brownie batter.