I am one woman who has struggled over the years to make sense of my journey. From abuse, through bitterness, from breast cancer and chronic disease to grace. Now I find myself mentoring other women with humor, wisdom, compassion and deep empathy.
Although I have had a separate blog for Cancer posts, I have found it difficult to organize, post and update 2 different blog sites. So my decision is to integrate those journal notes into Through Rosey's Glasses as Pink Ribbons Posts. I will also link these posts to the page here Rosey,the Pink Warrior! So note, if a post is labeled Pink Ribbons, the topic is breast cancer and my experience. Right now the plan is to release another part of my Pink Ribbon battles every Wed. morning. When I was diagnosed I wanted so bad to talk to women who fought and made it to the other side. I wanted to know if what I felt was normal, were they afraid? So here I am on the other side of treatment, and I'm talking to you... the newly diagnosed and those who love you.
I walked into a routine mammogram this afternoon.
I walked out with breast cancer.
This was the message I posted on 7/27/2010 to my online friends of more than 10 years (the WOW girls) . This is the text that I copied into my journal that night.
The radiologist was certain of the diagnosis. But she did a breast biopsy as well to confirm. I also have enlarged lymph nodes in the arm pit. They were biopsied as well. The next step will depend on whether there is cancer in these lymph nodes. If there is I will most likely have chemo first then surgery. Otherwise I will have surgery. She did think that it will be a lumpectomy. But I wasalready looking ahead and telling myself "No Lumpectomies. If this is cancer, I'm having double mastectomies. And if it's NOT cancer I'm still having mastectomies."
This breast biopsy isn't the worst thing but its no picnic either.
Image of cancer tumor on
mammogram. Not mine though.
I should get confirmation on Thurs afternoon. She already asked for my surgeon's name. Hopefully we can move forward quickly.But seriously do people have a list of doctors in their heads?I have used a surgeon before, but where or how do you look for an Oncologist?
My mind is still spinning around wondering how can I take care of mom? I told her I would stay with her so she doesn't have to leave her home as her condition deteriorates. I don't know what will happen if I can't take care of mom. KJ is stressed with his new job and I need to be able to help him. Now he's looking at having to take care of the house and laundry and meals.
We are NOT telling my mom or sisters. And we are waiting til the pathology report comes in before telling James. Knowing whether it's spread is a major factor in what comes next.
*What's next? I will be sharing the actual events of the "Day They Said Cancer" in the next edition of Pink Ribbon.