Pink Ribbons Post - Am I Going To Die?

Pink Ribbons is a featured series of my blog about my journey with Breast Cancer.  

At the bottom of the page, you will find the links to the other posts.  

I am currently "No Evidence of Disease" (NED)

7.29.2010
 I got the results from the biopsy.  They confirmed cancer, I have it in the lymph nodes already.  The Radiologist called yesterday to tell me herself.  Hearing 'you have cancer' takes the wind out of you.  When she told me it was in the lymph system, I started to shake.   I dropped the cell phone and KJ thanked her for calling so quickly.  She told him I needed to schedule an appointment as soon as possible with a surgeon.  I remember a keening kind of cry and then I started rocking back and forth, sobbing.  Kelly wrapped his arms around me.  He took today off for this very reason.  I clung to him, while he assured me that he will be going through this right beside me.  He told me, You don't have to do this alone but you have to fight this.  To think that my mom and my dad and my lovely aunt Doris all heard those same words.

I kept thinking "I'm going to die.  People in my family don't just get cancer.  They die from cancer.

Actual post of 7/29/2010 to my WOW girls

Oh my dear friends. I know this upsets your apple carts too. Though only a few of us have met in person, we have shared so much in our lives with each other. I am fine with anyone sharing this with prayer partners or women’s groups. I think it hits close to home for everyone with breasts.


I had no idea there was any issue with the boobs. I do self-breast exams nearly every shower. The radiologist said without the mammogram I would not have felt this tumor for at least two more years. By the time I would know there was a lump...ca could have been all around the body. This mammy, allows me to get this treated before it is throughout the body. 

I'm having a pelvic ultrasound tomorrow. That one scares me. I was supposed to have gotten it done in May but the hospital says they never got the order. They called this morning and KJ told me we need to know if there are any ovarian issues before talking to the surgeon. *gulp* He's right. But IF I had breast AND ovarian ca...Just pour me into a rubber room.

Several people have texted today and offered to drive me to appointments and one friend has offered to leave us her extra vehicle for weeks, if I have clusters of appointments. 

We will be working to get the house all cleaned up this weekend. I came home from moms, it was cluttered. With days of in and out, it looks like a laundry and paper bomb went off in it. Have you ever questioned...if I died in an accident today what would people find in my house? blech not a pretty sight. I just look around when leaving sometimes and hope I get back to pull that underwear off the ceiling fan.  Not that I have underwear on the ceiling fan here...I don't have ceiling fans.  lol  

The surgeon's visit is next Monday at 10 am. This is a 'new to me' doctor. My old surgeon doesn't "do" breasts anymore but said he would do my surgery because I'm a former patient. His first appointment wasn't until the 19th of August and no way could we wait till then. KJ's mantra is…get it out, get it out! So I opted for another surgeon and just took the one available. His name is Etters. I don't know anything about him. But his nurse, Mandy called me to get some information. She was amazing and very reassuring.  She's working on scheduling all the tests now.

***

Monday, August 2, 2010 - Got a call a little while ago that Dr. Etters wouldn't be available for my 3 pm appointment today. He found out he had OR on call. So he told them to reschedule me first pick as "she is a young woman with new cancer so I know she's scared. Schedule her first over the returns." He may have just won my heart with that comment. :) You know how everyone falls for their OB? I wonder if the same thing happens with a surgeon. 

Fighting Cancer is hard when 

you’re afraid you’re going to die.

Recommended Resource - 

Navigating Breast Cancer

Lillie D. Shockney, RN, BS, MAS

Administrative Director

John Hopkins Avon Foundation Breast Center

University Distinguished Service Associate Professor of Breast Cancer

John Hopkins University School of Medicine

Department of Surgery, Gynecology & Obstetrics

Associate Professor 

John Hopkins School of Nursing

Baltimore, MD

Breast Cancer Survivor

Pink Ribbons Links:
#4  Scared
#3  This page
#2  When They Tell You Have Cancer
#1  The day They Said Cancer.