Becoming a Better Writer

Today’s Challenge:

Write five nondescript sentences.  Look at them again and re-write them to show and not tell what was happening.  Go over them one last time and pump them full of interesting and descriptive words to really drive your point home!

This was my response:

My sentences...

1. It is snowing.
My embellished sentence...
1. As I trudge through the shin high blanket of cold fluffiness, I break the snot-cicle off my nose and decide it’s not so beautiful when you are out in it.

2. I like freshwater fish.
2. My heart rate slows and tension relaxes, as I watch the angelfish glide across my view of their tank.

3. I am a homemaker.
3. It is with joy that I spritz and swipe my way around my home, creating a sanctuary for my family.

4. I enjoy early morning.
4. It is the soft fingers of the rising sun that awaken me to joyful song, thankful for God’s daily mercies.

5. I have a good Bible study group.
5. Bowed heads, shared hearts, and the openness of women studying God’s word is a blessing unknown to so many.

Sadly I also need an online study on reading thoroughly.  I totally lost the last step.  But it came to my attention so these are my spiced up versions of the sentences.

Go over them one last time and pump them full of interesting and descriptive words to really drive your point home!

1. As I trudge through the shin high blanket of cold fluffiness, I break the snot-cicle off my nose and decide it’s not so beautiful when you are out in it. I allow my mind to wander back to its obvious destination, a warm hearth, the fuzzy afghan and that lovely wingback chair. My body rebels as I continue to stomp through the drifts toward the entry way. I have decided that I detest icy toes, wet pant legs and faulty forecasters. Yes indeed, as more of that cold, fluffy wet stuff lands on my face, mixing with the mucous running from my frosty nostrils and I decide I hate snow just a little more.

2. Unfortunately, I slammed the door closed after another absolutely wretched day of work. The resounding boom, shakes the shelves on the wall and mother’s porcelain figurine hurls itself off the shelf to the floor below. Joy. You know I will have to clean up this mess too. My stomping feet bounce more noise off the walls, and I want to shred something! My head pounds as I yank another Diet Dr. Pepper from the fridge. Perhaps a little more caffeine will help my head from decaying upon my shoulders. I sink into the billowy comfort of my recliner and switch on its heat. My heart rate slows and tension relaxes, as I watch the angelfish glide across my view of their tank. Their grace and beauty soothes my wounded spirit and restores my humor. Lord knows, I need to keep THESE fish alive!

3. I am so grateful to both Flylady and Miss Sarah Mae for their instruction on being a good homemaker. I am not JUST a housewife, I am a homemaker. I have purpose! I have yet to achieve the organized kitchen but you can’t win every game, every time. I trust this will come about as well. I sigh as I pick up dirty underwear, hang up fresh shirts and tuck the bottom of the bed back into place. I will choose to take joy in my service to my family. As I spritz and swipe my way around my home, I am creating a sanctuary for my family. I watch my darling husband, worn with the stress of his job get out of the car. His shoulders are stooped and his countenance is downcast. I greet him at the door with a glass of iced tea, and he smiles. He sees the work I have done, and sniffs with appreciation, the roast that I made in the crockpot. He stands straighter and kisses my cheek and tells me he loves me. My heart swells with love for him and I know I have achieved my goal. Sanctuary.

4. The soft fingers of the rising sun dance across my eyelids as I slowly become aware, today is a new day. My favorite alarm, the songs of the Cardinals, float in through the open window. Morning has broken, they call to me. Rejoice and be thankful for God’s daily mercies. As I thrust my feet into worn, pink slippers, I conclude with a smile, any day above the dirt has the potential to be a GOOD day!

5. We sit in a circle, this cherished group of women. A beloved sister shares her wounded heart with us, as tears drip silently down my cheeks. Her pain is causing me anguish. I am struck with the beauty of the moment as we gather around her, hugging and comforting her. I make my way back to my seat, and a song is raised around me. The warm of the room, the comfort of friends and sharing our lives together, envelopes my heart like a comfortable old quilt. As we turn to God’s word, I am saddened to realize this blessing is never experienced by so many.

Okay. I have finished my homework before my dog ate it. ;)